Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
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Come see our sink grown plant.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
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Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
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