she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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