I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
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