Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Randomize
