we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
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