And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
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She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
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Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
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