i wish there were pregnant emoticons
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Randomize
