I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Randomize