You can't motorboat a personality
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Randomize
