Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Randomize