If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
