my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Randomize
