So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
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