Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Randomize
