i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
