I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize
