We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
