I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
he puts the penis in happiness.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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