apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
