I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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