Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Randomize
