Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
...so i touched it.
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
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