He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
ok first of all what the fuck
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
