i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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