Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Randomize
