I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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