I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
We are two peas in an std pod
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
