cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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