I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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