So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
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