i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
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