Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
