Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Randomize
