pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
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