i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
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