The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Randomize
