Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
