I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
