You're so nebulous sometimes
Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Randomize