I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
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