I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
this just has baby written all over it
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
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