If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
I want a musical about memes.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
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