Heybabeimwearingurpanties
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
