Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
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