I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Randomize
