UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Randomize
