Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Randomize
