gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
