I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
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