So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize