I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
