she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
i may or may not be watching the land before time
my sisters under your porch take her home
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Randomize
