We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
You're a waste of cheezeits
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
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