If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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