Me too!
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
Randomize
