if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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